Why do we compare ourselves with others?
The habit of comparing - is embedded in each of us almost at the genetic level. Remember, in fact, in early childhood, a mother or grandmother constantly repeated what brother "Vasya the young man": he is studying for one of the five, takes prizes in the olympiads, and yet manages to attend the sports section with a clear positive result!
A girlfriend Masha: clever, excellent pupil, Mom helps, dances are engaged, and even looks after the younger brother!
And we've heard such comparisons over the course of our life a lot, with age, having learned to compare ourselves: the classmate's things are prettier, the girlfriends are kinder, and that nasty little girl from the parallel class always has a lot of boys!
At an older age, the comparisons “grew”: “the employee has a cooler machine from work”, “friends constantly go on vacation, but we don’t”, “the girlfriend has an ideal figure, and my sides are hanging” and so on. To engage in such “self-flagellation” is stupid and senseless, any psychologist will tell you this, and besides, the habit of comparing, in fact, does not carry anything positive.
How to stop comparing yourself with others? It should be just your decision and desire, no one can force you: only the person is able to come to the feeling of freedom and happiness, and after all it is waiting for you after you give up permanent comparisons.
Such a familiar feeling does not make us better, happier or more prosperous: comparing yourself with more successful colleagues, you are disappointed in your own professionalism, you begin to doubt your own abilities and, as a result, because of the resulting insecurity you refuse or do not risk trying yourself on more interesting sentences .
Comparing yourself with a more beautiful girlfriend, as you might think, you begin to doubt your own appearance, avoiding possible candidates for the role of the second half. And so in everything - if you constantly compare yourself with someone, you can get a good excuse not to develop, grow and improve.
Why do we constantly compare ourselves with others?
The reason for this way of thinking, in many respects, lies in a built-up model of behavior that is imposed on us by society, the media and the Internet, where, with advertising cadres,films and music videos are looked at by “ideal” people: with a beautiful appearance, successful career, a taut figure, happy relationships, and more.
As a rule, all media pursue their own goals - to sell a product, impose a service, and so on, and not at all for real human interests. Looking at all these videos, it seems to us that this should be so, comparing ourselves with the presented ideal, we are disappointed and lose our self-esteem, we come to some decisions that, in fact, are not so much needed for us.
Public opinion and stereotypes skillfully impose universally recognized points of view on us, we easily begin to divide people into categories in which there is always someone "successful and prosperous", as well as someone "flawed", because he deviated from the point of view of the generally accepted standard .
Another point is social networks. Looking through photos of friends and acquaintances, we are often upset that our life is "not that", there are a lot of questions in my head: why I do not eat at restaurants with such beautiful dishes, do not travel, I do not have such an ideal figure and such dresses.
It may seem that your life, in comparison with others, is not at all bright, it does not have so many positive events.You are constantly comparing your life with other people's events, but why? Does your own happiness depend on how your “moments” look from the outside? Very unlikely.
What to do and how to stop comparing?
Awareness.Your thinking is completely under your control, filter unnecessary thoughts, keep track of those moments when you start to compare yourself with others: they, most often, are accompanied by envy and even a feeling of bitterness.
Try to have less of such moments as you can: just chase such thoughts. At the same time, study the development of your own complexes: if you feel worse than others in some ways, perhaps this area of your own life will not be too much to “pull up”.
For example: does not give rest to the ideal figure of a friend? Sign up for a good coach in the fitness club! Do you feel that you are lagging behind your co-workers and you have been sitting in one position for a long time? Be engaged in self-development, it may be worth undergoing some retraining courses. Remember that everything is in your hands!
Uniqueness.Banal wisdom, about which we often hear, but for some reason so rarely take note. All people are separate unique personalities, each has its own strengths and weaknesses, someone succeeds in mathematics, and someone dances incredibly beautifully!
Someone easily comes to sports, and someone is talented in music, such examples can be many! Remind yourself this fact, as often as possible, and do not try to compare your own talents with someone else.
Dignity.For some reason, own achievements are quickly forgotten, they warm the soul only for the first time, after which the gray band of gloom comes again. But others' successes, at times, seem to us something amazing and unique!
Keep a diary, in which constantly celebrate their successes, even the smallest, but important for you. When it becomes sad and self-esteem stubbornly rolls down after the next session of "comparisons" - just re-read your own records, you will be surprised how much is available to you!
Accept your faults.Unless you learn to accept your imperfection, you cannot find harmony. Each person has “flaws”, but they can always be “covered” with merits: for example, I have small breasts, but long and sexy legs!
I do not have the opportunity to travel in the Maldives, but I am the mother of two of the most wonderful children! My mouth is not very beautiful, but deep and expressive eyes! And so on.
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